Roses are red


Violets are blue


I’ve never read my poetry out loud


But I’ve always wanted to 

It could be you up on stage, standing in front of a room full of supportive strangers, finally reciting those eloquent words you penned behind closed doors. Poets, comedians, and musicians vie for a slot behind the microphone at Hardimans Bar and Restaurant’s weekly open mic night. Every Monday evening at 7:30pm, Melbourne’s most talented amateurs gather at Hardimans in Kensington, armed with an instrument, jokes, or verses. 

Slots last half an hour maximum, but if you can’t fill all 30 minutes, you can cut it short and perhaps share your slot. If you want to perform, you must book in advance—the open mic night MC and venue owner, Jane, suggests you secure your spot at least a week in advance because it always fills up. There are only six spots available each week, so if you’re not organised, your big debut will pass you by (until next Monday, at least). 

The event attracts people of all ages and talents. Performers are young, old, male, female, experienced, first-timers, and somewhere in between. The majority of acts are musical, but poets and comedians regularly step up to the microphone as well. Compared to the “poetry slams” held at some venues, which are highly charged and political, Hardimans’ open mic night is civilised and low-key. The audience is attentive and supportive, and the overall atmosphere is laid-back. 

The festivities conveniently fall around dinner time, and Hardimans conveniently offers a full menu. You can snack for about $8 or dine for $13-$20, and the drinks flow steadily. If you’re prone to stage fright, though, best to eat after your turn.